I have a condition called Unilateral Hearing Loss otherwise known as Single-Sided Deafness or SSD for short. I was born without any hearing ability in my left ear (91 decibels or greater is what’s considered non-functioning). My right ear, however, works perfectly. Unlike most people with hearing impairments, the standard approach to assisting the deaf are of no use to SSD sufferers because of nerve damage. This makes the use of digital hearing aids and cochlea implants redundant because the information cannot pass from the nerve to the brain. Most kids who are diagnosed with SSD are often told to adapt. But without a guide or a truly amazing Audiologist, life with SSD is often a hidden struggle where isolation is a common reflex. You can't pass someone on the street and instantly recognize that they have SSD. I'm fortunate that I've had SSD since childhood as those who get it later in life have trouble adjusting. A recent study shows that 24% of adults who develop SSD have given up their jobs because of the psychological impact on their lives.

My earliest memory of my SSD was of the Audiologist telling my mother that I would be okay because my right ear was perfectly normal. I imagined that my right ear had a superhuman power that would compensate for the useless one. When I was 10, a few kids on the bus were playing a game where they would test the limits of their hearing by placing the speaker of a mini casio keyboard right against their ear until the pain was unbearable. I won the game without flinching. I felt proud of my hidden power but the unsettling expressions of my classmates made me think twice. Maybe my left ear was more of a curse than a gift? Outwardly, I looked like everyone else, but inside, I felt half-deaf or half-hearing depending on how my day went.

Throughout high school and college, my friends labeled me as the "quiet one" and I believe that my introverted qualities were just part of my genetic makeup and not because of my hearing impairment. I began to develop a symptom known as the "head shadow" effect which means difficulty in sound localization and direction because the sound is being obstructed by the head. It's kind of like hearing your neighbors talking through very thin drywall. You can hear them but you can’t pinpoint where they are in the room.

Noisy environments such as bars, clubs, and restaurants are places where I feel the most vulnerable. Depending on where I sit, those on my left side would pretty much be ignored. I often nod in agreement when people address me and hope my friends don't notice I have no idea what they are talking about. Most people with SSD are afraid of offending people by not hearing what they said. Sometimes my SSD worked to my advantage. For example, my roommates in college often held parties in our dorm room and if I had to get some sleep I'd simply lay my body on the right side to block them out. It's a technique I still use today to mute unruly sounds like sirens or early morning garbage trucks.

Without consistent social interactions, I retreated into the creative parts of my mind. The myth is that the right part of our brains control creative thinking and the left controls analytical thinking. I’ve come to believe that my right side is dominant because of the constant information it receives. My left limbs aren't quite as responsive as my right. I often focus with my right eye first then my left follows behind a few seconds later. I'll often talk out of the right side of my mouth during conversations and even find myself chewing food on that side as well. I diagnosed myself as "right-brained" which means that my intuition, thoughtfulness, subjectiveness and compassion completely dominate my personality.

These personality traits became the perfect cocktail for video directing, particularly working with actors and artists. My ability to instantly empathize with an idea or an emotion continues to be a powerful tool in my arsenal. For many years I pursued filmmaking as a form of therapy, a way for me to communicate and articulate what I couldn't in face to face situations. I worked with some of my favorite artists and won a few awards but I also made a ton of mistakes and struggled with my hearing on set. But the craft was never just about accumulating a body of work. It was about the process of filmmaking, the personal interactions that were so pure and unfiltered from society’s norms. I’m a completely different person on set because all of my senses are working in unison.

As I hit my 30's and the responsibilities of growing a family and maintaining a career became priority, I became more in tune with my health and body. My wife Nancy was one of the first people I shared my secret with and my creative confidence wouldn’t have developed without her support and inspiration. When my daughter was born I looked into the sky and thanked God when the doctor said she had perfect hearing in both ears. I have to make sure I can hang on to every word she says for as long as possible.

So I went for a hearing test for the first time since I was a child. I sat in the booth and had flashbacks of that uncertainty I felt so many years ago. What if I raised my left hand when I could sense but not “hear” the sounds in my left ear? Could I trick her into thinking I was normal? Those instincts were almost exactly the same. Then she showed me the results: "You have profound hearing loss in your left ear but your right ear is perfectly normal." I tried my hardest to hide my eyes but I broke down sobbing. She was freaked out but I couldn't hold back. Whatever repressed emotions I had about my hearing suddenly came flooding out. 25 years later and I'm being told the same thing? "I'm not fine! Can't you see how much harder I have to work just to seem normal?!" I thought. I asked about the number of SSD patients she's dealt with. She said only a handful. I asked about hearing aid solutions and she said it would cost almost $5,000 dollars which my current health insurance doesn’t cover. A test trial was not an option and she couldn’t guarantee that it would improve my quality of life. I was aggravated. Where did this misconception that hearing loss in one ear does not constitute a disability?

So I decided to do some investigating because surely, after all these years, the technology for SSD has improved. And it has, but with various degrees of effectiveness. The most interesting of the bunch is the SoundBite, the first non-surgical and removable hearing aid which uses bone conduction to transmit sounds to the good ear via the teeth. Basically a microphone sits in the bad ear and the sound that it receives is sent wirelessly into the mouth which creates tiny vibrations through the jaw bone that the good ear interprets as sound. So while you aren't really "hearing" out of the bad ear, it does create the perception of hearing which is better than nothing. The company filed for bankruptcy on Thursday, January 15, 2015, as a result of the US Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services' decision not to cover the device.

The best and most recent non-surgical option for treating SSD as of January 2020 is the Phonak CROS BR which is a rechargeable cross transmitter. It has garnered a lot of favorable reviews online and I am looking into ways that I can purchase one in the near future. Since the Phonak costs a few thousand dollars out of pocket this will take some time. But for the purposes of this video, I wanted to search for something affordable and over the counter.

The only cure for SSD is stem cell generation which is currently being researched through clinical trials across the United States by a company called Frequency Therapeutics. They have a product called the FX-322 which is designed to regenerate auditory hair cells to improve hearing function. I can only imagine how much that will cost when it arrives.

I wanted another option, something didn’t require a high financial commitment so I did an online search for Personal Amplifiers. I wanted a wearable hearing device with a built in microphone which would allow me to hear clear voices and sound through a single earphone. My search revealed a lot of tacky hardware with the dreaded “As Seen On TV” stamp of approval. I realized the market for this technology was severely limited.

I was almost ready to give up when I found a device that peaked my interest. The Apple Airpods Pro. With a retail price of $250.00, it hit the sweet spot of what I’d be willing to spend to experiment. Apple has prided itself on the accessibility features it builds into its devices, helping people who are hard of hearing or have sight limitations more easily use the products. You can activate a feature called “Live Listen,” which lets you use AirPods to amplify sound, allowing them to double as basic hearing aids.

The AirPods Live Listen feature uses the microphone on your iPhone and then pipes the audio right into your AirPods. So, if you’re hard of hearing, instead of asking someone to speak up or sitting out of a conversation entirely, you can put your iPhone on a table — or even hold it close to someone’s mouth — and the AirPods will amplify what’s being said. I tried it and the experience is okay but not something that I’d ever really use during a social outing as it feels rather awkward and invasive.

My hope is that the Apple engineers can figure out a way to pipe the microphone inputs on my deaf left ear Airpod and feed that sound into my right Airpod. After all, you can already enable mono sound as an accessibility feature. This would absolutely take it to the next step. As far as that head shadow effect that makes me anxious in large gatherings - not a problem. With the Airpods pro noise cancelling, I’m able to block that out and refocus. If someone tries to speak to me, I remove them and it’s assumed that I’m listening to music or a podcast, not trying to prevent a panic state.

Overall, it’s been a very worthy investment and although I can’t hear what I need to in any given situation - I am able to block the noise in a discreet, somewhat trendy way. Hopefully Apple does enable a feature to create stereo sound for people with single sided deafness. But that will only happen if the demand for that feature is large enough - which I think it is. Further, If more companies like Apple designed earphones and earbuds with stronger accessibility features that looked cool and sounded great, I believe hard of hearing people of all ages would wear them. Eyeglasses aren’t just made to improve vision, they are also seen as a fashion accessory. That same kind of aesthetic thinking needs to be applied to the hearing industry. The chips are getting smaller, the technology is already here. Why does this technology have to cost thousands of dollars?

These days I know my SSD is nothing to be ashamed about, in fact it’s made me who I am. The uncertainty, the tears, and the support of my family has put me into a position where I love what I do every single day.

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